Prince of Persia

I've been putting this one off for a long time now. It's not because I hate the game, but because I let a friend borrow the game a long while ago, I didn't remember much of it. Now the time has come to review the sequel to Assassin's Creed, or at least it seems like it from all the aspects it copied from like the open-world and shitty combat.

We pick up where we left off in the Sand of Times trilogy as we follow the prince to absolutely nowhere because that guy has nothing to do with this new version. In reality, this game is about some guy who's a thief and a adventurer caught in a sandstorm and mysteriously ends up in a strange land. Oh, and he lost his ass which was carrying a shitload of gold and treasure. He runs into Elika - a girl with strange powers and no shoes for some unexplained reason - as she tries to fix things in her land. It's explained later that she's a princess who's people have been charged with keeping some entity named Ahriman from being released to the world. Apparently she failed and Ahriman's goons have made the land all black and shit, so it's up to the no name guy to come in and help save the day. If you're wondering where's the 'Prince' aspect of Prince of Persia, well I'm pretty sure he'll be annoited prince in a later game, but whatever they have planned is somewhat underminded by the fact that it's given away in the title. Smooth move Ubisoft.

Da Fuck You Looking at?

Remember in the Street Fighter review when I talked about how pretty it looked. In it I referenced this game and for good reason because this game is beautiful. It looks like you're in a pianting controlling little painted people doing painted parkour moves and kicking painted ass all over the painted ground for your own painted pleasure. I don't know who came up with this style of graphics but I would like to shake that person's hand. I wonder if there's paint on them. Either way the scenery is a joy to look at, and that's from someone who could care less about graphics (unless they're incredibly shitty).

Imagine the scars on his...

The series is known for its unrealistic platforming, and thankful despite the changes made, that remains intact. You will run, jump, climb walls, climb poles, jump from pole to pole, wall jump, wall jump repeatedly between 2 walls, run on walls, run up walls, run on ceilings, hang from poles, swing from poles, balance on beams, jump from beam to beam, swing from hanging ring hooks, climb up wall with the aid of ring hooks, use the claw to descend slowly down walls, dodge traps, solve puzzles, and inevitably fail alot at trying to do all of the above. By your side is Elika who can help you clear gaps, reach places and save your ass whether you mess up. She's kind of a replacement for the sands of time in the last POP series. As helpful as she is, I say the best thing about Elika is that she knows when to shut up. Don't you hate playing games with dorky support characters with ramble on and on in your ear when you're trying to do something, say stupid one-liners and awful jokes at the wrong time (which is mostly every time they open their mouths), and are just generally saying something useless? Well apparently Elika is a smart and observant girl because she saw what the others were doing and said "I'm not gonna be like them". Sadly this angered the video game gods and they punished her by making her live out her video game life without shoes (obviously). As fun as the parkour moves are - and if you don't know what parkour is look it up - the game's weak point is its combat. Each fight is one on one...well one on two actually since Elika is there so that makes the fights even more weak. Also you can't really move like you want to. You just shuffle around like you and your enemy were fencing (and fencing SUCKS). You would think with all the acrobatics you've been doing that somehow they would be incorporated in the fights. All you really do is press a sequence of buttons and hoping it works. You can't just repeatingly tap buttons either; you have to press the next button in the sequence at the right time. It eliminates button mashing sure, but it's slow, and in a game like this that seriously breaks flow. Also, you will be blocking alot because the enemies are freaking relentless, and by enemies I means 5 people: one type of grunt and 4 bosses. Without variety the battles become asinine as you fight the same 4 bosses over and over again just so Elika can clean the land. When you defeat a boss, you plop Elika on an magical circle, hit Y over and over, and she'll explode in flowers and sunshine covering the land once covered by darkness (sounds like a hentai). Also the open-world thing may have sounded like a good idea, and it kinda is, but even with an open world the roads you HAVE TO take are still very linear, and going through these roads over and over again get really old after a while. Plus, there's this thing about collecting enough light seeds before you can enter another set of areas that I can't help but to find annoying as this seems like a cheap game-lengthening ploy.

BEST TREEHOUSE EVER!

For those of you who played the game and has made this complaint, I have one thing to say to you: THIS GAME IS NOT TOO EASY! It only seems that way because Elika instantly saves you. For those who didn't play it, whenever you fall or get caught in a trap, Elika will pull you up and plop you on the nearest smooth and leveled ground. Because of this many people have claimed it's too easy, and for those who do I want want you to picture something for me. Imagine that instead of seeing Elika hand grabbing you (*snicker) you saw the 'game over' screen and when you picked continue, you spawn on the nearest straight surface. I'm pretty sure most of you who say this game is hard if that happened even though the same thing is happening in both scenarios. Ok, so Elika instantly brings you back instead of you dying, but in the end you still failed and you still have to do it over again. Whether or not she saves you is irrelevant. Besides, it saves time. By the time you die and have to pick continue and wait for the game to load, I would be halfway finished with what I was trying to do.

I forgot to mention that you slide down slopes too

This game is good, but it could have been so much better. The big killer here is the combat sucking donkey balls, which is ironic because he's still looking for his donkey (that's what I meant by "he lost his ass" dummy). The parkour moves are fun so if you feel like running, jumping, climbing walls, climbing poles, jumping from pole to pole, wall jumping, wall jumping repeatedly between 2 walls, running on walls, running up walls, running on ceilings, hanging from poles, swinging from poles, balancing on beams, jumping from beam to beam, swinging from hanging ring hooks, climbing up wall with the aid of ring hooks, using the claw to descend slowly down walls, dodging traps, solving puzzles, and inevitably failing alot at trying to do all of the above then I recommend this game. Maybe it's a good idea to wait till the price goes down, though.


NOTE: I didn't download the new part that was added to the story because...well I didn't care. Maybe when it's free I'll do it (or watch vids on youtube). AND GIVE ELIKA SOME GOD DAMN SHOES!