Halo Wars

Just last week, I got 2 interesting e-mails. The first one, whose address I forgot because I was quick to delete it afterward, said that my opening paragraphs lately have made less and less sense and usually have nothing to do with the game. Well, that is not true sir....or ma'am. I make sure all my opening paragraphs are informative, relevant, and entertaining. After all, I am a well respected game reviewer. Okay, maybe not well respected; more like acknowledged game reviewer. Okay, maybe not acknowledged. I'm more like that guy who plays a lot of video games, and therefore feels that his opinions are valid. If only the world would recognize my genius. Hey, that's not a bad idea for a video game. Recognize My Genius: The World Will Learn (patent pending: June 2009). The objective is to become world renown by any means necessary. Do you become Earth's greatest hero and save kittens from an evil plot to destroy the world's supply of tapioca, or do you try to take it over by assembling an army of judo robots to take out all of the defense systems in order to do a music video with Soulja Boy? Do you cure butt cancer, or do you star in a film with Will Smith, Matt Damon (in Metal Bourne form) and Spider-Man? The choice is yours, but whatever you do, remember to include Stone Cold Steve Austin. Everything becomes instantly awesome when you add Stone Cold. I would not recommend him for your child's birthday party though. I'm not saying it wouldn't be awesome; I'm saying it would be the wrong kind of awesome for that situation. You don't need him chugging beers in front of your kids. That's what your uncle's for. Oh, uncle Willie; what would we do without your drunken rants. One time, he gave us the 2006 State of the Union address while wearing a helmet; it was awesome. It sounded a lot more comforting coming from him than former President Bush. In fact, I think his whole presidency would have benefited with his whole cabinet wearing helmets. Wait...helmets...helmets..why does that make think of dudes in armor? Well, I guess it makes to have a helmet and armor, but still...AH CRAP....HALO WARS. Sorry. Okay so...hoold on...let me scroll up to see what I was talking about. Let's see...uuhh Stone Cold..yes...Recognize My...oh yea...the e-mails. The second e-mail was from a young lady (who I will assume is cute) who said I don't review enough different types of games. When you think about it, she has a point. Most of my reviews have been actions games. In my defense, mostly action games have been released since I started this blog. Either way, it's time to explore new territory, and what better way to start than a game you guys have may me very VERY aware of: Halo Wars.

I HATE THOSE FREAKIN SCARABS

In this game, we join Master Chief as heee.....oooh...right. He not in this. The story takes place 20 years ago before the Chief went terminator on a entire planet shaped like a ring. The humans are fighting the covenant for...well that was never explained...in hopes to...umm...win the war I guess. We follow the warship Spirit of Fire and its crew as they...do...random things to...win...stuff. Yea, I have no freakin clue. This whole story has absolutely no bearing to the Halo universe whatever, and it answered no question left behind in the FPS games. My friend says that it only leaves more questions. What questions? This game never explores any avenues except what's directly in front of it. Maybe Ensemble Studios didn't want to tend in Bungie's story, but they could have at least made it somewhat interesting.

...better them than me

I don't play a lot of RTS games. In fact, I rarely played any game in the genre. Despite my lack of exposure (which in turn nullifies any opinions I have), I do know that when it comes to controls, the keyboard and mouse are the way to go. The guys at Ensemble did a good job with the controls, but the controller doesn't have the accuracy of a mouse. You can't click and drag a box over the specific group you want. You can select one unit, one type of unit, a group of units within a certain radius, all unit onscreen, or every available unit. Although that seems like a lot to someone unfamiliar with RTS games, veterans know that that's actually pretty limiting. Still, I can't see anybody doing any better, so let's roll with it

My favorite aspect about Halo Wars is that it doesn't complicate things. In fact, this may be one of the simpliest RTS you'll ever play. If anything it's a good way to get introduced to the genre. When you first start playing, everything is explained to you in great detail, and I don't just mean in terms of controls. After a quick tutorial, I was ready to kick some covenant ass on whatever the hell planet they stuck me on. I knew what to do, how to do it, and how long it will take. The funny thing is the covenant still figured out how to kick my ass.

WTF is going on down there?

Like I said eariler, I'm not really experience in the realm of RTS, so my strategy boiled down to building up my army and telling them all to "shoot that guy". When that didn't work, I build my army to defend my base, which pretty much always ended in a slatemate because my enemy couldn't build a large enough amry. Unlike most RTSs (I'm assuming), Halo Wars has a limit as to how many units you can have. I guess if you have time to amass a giantic army, the game would turn into one giant clusterfuck, so it was probably for the best. Having a limit also made me think harder as to what type of units I wanted because some units are better against others in what I like to call the Rock - Paper - Scissors effect (ground beats air, air beats vehicles, vehicles beat ground). If your enemy is particularly fond of one type of unit, it's your job to act accordingly. If you have half a brain, you will actually make it far in Halo Wars (as long as you're not playing on legendary). My only complaint is the missions with time limits. Fuck you and anybody else who thinks that's a good idea.

Because I'm not really knowledgeable, there's not much I can say about it, but I had fun with Halo Wars. It was a good way to test my brain and was a nice break from the weeks of action games I've been playing. If you're interested in the genre, this is a great place to start. Keep in mind that this is the only...ONLY good RTS on the Xbox360, so play all other RTS games on PC. If you're not interested, this game won't change your mind one bit.

Rating: Sweet

NOTE: My next game will be the flight sim Hawx, which is another genre I have yet to touch on. After that, it's right back to action with Red Faction and Prototype. No, I am not reviewing Fuel, so don't ask. Cry me a river, Bitch.